I Forgive Me
Forgiveness. It’s an important word isn’t it? It’s referenced throughout the Bible many, many times. Don’t ask me how many because I don’t know. Forgiveness is a key ingredient in friendships. It’s absolutely #1 in marriages…trust me on this one guys. But what about self forgiveness? Self forgiveness is a little different, and in my experience, the hardest one of all. (At least so far)
I’m not going to air all my dirty laundry because let’s face it folks, we would be here ‘til next week. Just know that like the Apostle Paul, I too am “Chief among sinners”. I just wanted to share with you that this is something I struggle with so, so much. Self forgiveness. It seems so easy, but thoughts and memories and past actions and words flood back into your brain and consume you. Well they do for me anyways. I talked about a snowball effect in my very first blog, and I do this similarly with past mistakes or things I’ve done wrong. Although I may have sought forgiveness directly from the person, and from God too, the hardest part is letting go of it within myself. I don’t want the burden anymore, yet I hang onto that like it’s part of me. Why? I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure it out.
I hope that you guys are aware by now that I am a Christian. But, like any other human on the planet, I am far from perfect. I’ve done, said, and thought things in my life that make me feel so ashamed. And why? I don’t know what else to tell you other than I’m a human and I’ve made some stupid choices in my life. I don’t consider myself an evil person. I don’t think I’ve ever had any sort of evil intentions. But I’ve made mistakes. Some small, some not so small. Some easily forgiven, some not so easily forgiven. Some I didn’t even realize the severity of until later in my life. Maybe this blog post is just another attempt at finding that peace within myself.
Honestly, I think a lot of us struggle to let go of our burdens and we dwell on those past mistakes. We hold these moments in our lives up above ourselves where they become untouchable or something. Like forgiveness itself is unattainable. If God himself can forgive every sin of every being on this earth, then He can forgive me too. He can forgive you. He can forgive your enemy. He can forgive your mama, your daddy, your neighbor and your friend. His love and forgiveness knows no limits, yet I still find myself trying to limit what God will forgive of me and what He won’t. Or trying to put Him in this Alexis-sized box. That box doesn’t even begin to cover what Christ covered for me when He died on the cross.
God sent His only Son to die on the cross for my sins, for your sins, for everyone’s sins, so that one day, they could choose to love Him and live their lives by following Him and enter eternal life with Him. (Check out John 3:16) What kind of love forgives like that? Certainly not my kind. My mind doesn’t comprehend that. It doesn’t compute that kind of love. But that’s okay - lucky for us, God wants us to rely on Him and not my limited brain power. Yesterday at church we had a sermon that really resonated with me. It was out of Romans 8:34… this is one of my favorite parts of the Bible. It talks about there being LITERALLY NOTHING THAT YOU CAN EVER DO TO MAKE GOD STOP LOVING YOU. You can’t do anything. Nobody else can do anything either. It doesn’t matter where you go. It doesn’t matter where you’ve been. It doesn’t matter how you feel, angry, sad, hurt, hateful. He. Loves. Us. The. End. How amazing?!
I’m not 100% certain where this is going, if I’m preaching, if I’m blogging. Whatever. It’s straight from the heart today guys. (Yes, I always try and make it from the heart, you catch my drift) You are more than your past and the mistakes that go along with it. If you have lived through it and learned from it, then the purpose is served. If you have a hard time forgiving people, remember that they are human too. Grudges don’t do us any favors. Self-grudges don’t either. We are all doing what we can to make the best of this crazy life and that comes with some high highs, and some low lows. We live, we learn, we grow from it.
I really hope and pray that this is well received. That this touches someone like me who has trouble forgetting things in their past. I get it. I really, really do. Maybe the point is not to forget, but to remember what was learned. To be a good reminder.
Praying for your peace of mind & Sunshine - All my love, Alexis
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”