Journey to Thirty
Happy Hump Day guys and gals and welcome. I sure am enjoying my short week, I hope you are too! Honestly, I think that 3-day weekends should become more frequent… maybe with all the BS that’s going on in our country, that’s something that we all could agree on. Okay, I’ll keep dreaming.
So, I have this fear that weighs heavy on my mind. It sounds stupid, but it’s the thought of turning 30 next year. 30. 3 decades. That’s a lot. It’s been joked about and people (mostly my siblings) tease me about being the oldest all the time. It’s all in good fun and I would do the same thing to them… but it just doesn’t sit well with me. I mean, the wonderful thing about birthdays is the fact that you’re still alive and let’s face it, that’s better than the alternative. But, the stigma that goes along with 30 makes me cringe. It is going to hurt? Like hurt more than my feelings??? Will I be considered old? Will I be less than? Will my body fall apart? I know you might be thinking, “wow! dramatic much?” And I agree… it’s a little stupid, but this is my blog post, so hop off.
The little hamster in my brain has been hard at the wheel and I’ve really gone into some deep thought with this. What’s to fear about getting older? Nothing. The answer is nothing. Turning 30 will be a blessing. In every single way, being able to grow another year older is a gift that so many are denied. I think the deeper truth is that I’m afraid that I won’t like the person I am or the life that I live. That I won’t be satisfied. That I won’t be good enough. My 20’s was full of ups and downs, but in your 20’s you learn and you grow. Things change quickly, but you bounce back quick too. Life isn’t quite as scary because being young typically comes with being a little more reckless.
The more I think about it, the more I am determined to make my 30’s great. I want to make them the best! I don’t want to turn into a shell of my former self. I want to be vibrant. I want to have fun. I want to laugh. I want to spread love. I want to appreciate all things in life - both big and small. I want to maintain an inner peace and to find balance. Is that so hard? I don’t really know yet, but I guess the only thing to do is to try and find out. After a lot of deliberation, I’ve set some goals for myself.
First things first, what I really want to strive to do is to be the best me I can be. I want to be healthy both mentally and physically. I have grown so much mentally and emotionally in this past year alone and I want to continue that journey as long as it will take me. I want to show others that a GOOD LIFE IS POSSIBLE, even if you suffer with issues such as anxiety and depression. Sometimes it’s tough, but it’s very doable.
Along with mental and emotional health comes physical health, which is equally important. This is not something I talk a lot about because I don’t feel in any way, shape, or form that I am qualified to talk about physical health. I would consider myself maybe a half way healthy person… I’ve had my vices, all of which are cut now. (Farewell my dear Marlboro Lights - I still think of you occasionally) I’ve recently cut Diet Coke which was my absolute life source. I do minimal exercise and try to eat moderately. I could still afford to skip a few meals and live to tell the tale. All of this is to say that mental and physical health go TOGETHER. They are of the same entity. To get my body in a good place, my mind also needs to be in a good place.
Going into my 30’s - I want to be in good shape. I want to feel good in my skin and in my mind. I want to treat my body well because it deserves it. I don’t want to be the same person I was in my 20’s. I want to be better. Better inside and outside. I, (like many women) have looked in the mirror and cursed my body for my mom pouch and hail damage. I’ve wanted to be or look like someone else. My body doesn’t deserve that. My body does amazing things. It’s made a child. It allows me to do so many things that I take for granted on a daily basis, like walking.
I was walking through the park on my lunch break last week and the entire time I was thinking about this blog and how I wanted to talk about trying to get in the best shape before turning 30. My butt cheeks were melting together like two marshmallows over a fire, my face was beet red, and the entire time I was mad at myself for gaining weight and wishing I was more disciplined in eating and exercising. That’s when I saw a boy and his mother walking on the opposite side of the park from me. The boy was probably in his early teens and appeared to be handicapped with a splint on one leg and walked with a major limp. The mother walked slowly with him and helped guide him around the path. My breath caught and I thought, “WOW Alexis, how selfish and vain can you be?” This boy is out here walking, thankful for the ability to do so. Thankful for a day spent outside in the fresh air. It was really difficult for him. Just by watching him, I could tell it took an enormous amount of energy and time just to make one lap. I continued to watch him and his mother as I walked - after 2 laps they sat down on a swing. It just hit me like a ton of bricks that I needed this beautiful reminder… Life is a gift! Every day is a gift! Our health is a gift! If and when the Lord allows me to turn 30 next year, it will be a gift!
We need to take care of ourselves mentally and physically, not one or the other. We need to be the best version of ourselves that we can be. Not for others, for us! Sure, I would love to have a picture perfect body. But that’s no longer what’s important to me. I want to be the best me I can, despite size or weight. Despite accomplishments or social statuses. I want to fuel my mind and body with what it needs. Good food, water, love, self care, and kindness. I’m going to try and be consistent. I’m going to try and have more balance. I’m just going to try.
So here’s to hoping and praying that my journey to 30 has more insightful moments. That what’s ahead is some of the best times of my life. I hope to continue growing into the woman I want to be, and more importantly that God wants me to be. To live the life I want to live, and that He wants me to live. It all comes full circle and joins together at some time or another. I’m trying to make it count.
Be well. Be Blessed. Be kind to yourself and others.
Much love - Alexis