Emptying Drawers

Hello my dears! Happy (over half-way through) February! How has your month been so far? I hope all is good with you and yours and that 2021 isn’t beating you down too bad yet. I kid, I kid. This gets a little mushy for me, so you were warned.

So today while I was at work, I decided to clean out my desk. Every single time I open that dang left drawer, papers crumple out, napkins make a fuss, forks and cuticle pushers threaten to stab me. Needless to say, time to de-clutter. There is a little of everything in my desk drawer. Some earrings that are missing the backs. Earbuds. Chargers. Nail polish. Plastic cutlery sets complete with salt and pepper packets. I am the Queen of Junk Drawers! Something that I also tend to throw in my drawer is little papers and notes. If I think I may need it one day, in the drawer it goes. As I combed through those papers today, it dawned on me that they weren’t all post its and reminders. They were prayers that I had written to myself and written out to God while going through a very deep, dark time in my life. These were dated anywhere from early 2019 to the end of 2020. I knew they were there, but I had no idea how many had accumulated.

Each one of these notes are either a quick prayer, a praise, or a plea to God. Some of them are lists of what I was thankful for at that very moment. Some of them were Bible scriptures and some were song lyrics. Anything from Amazing Grace to Waymaker. Some were prayers for my siblings and spouse and co-workers. Others were prayers for myself, that I would make it through that very day because it felt like I wasn’t hanging on by much. Some of them were affirmations that “through Jesus Christ I can and will conquer all”. I wrote these notes day after day, week after week, month after month with no real intent on keeping them. I just shoved them down in the drawer.

When I flipped through several of these- I read answered prayer after answered prayer. That isn’t to say it was always exactly what was asked. But it is to say that God never turned from me and left me hanging. I prayed that I would be able to stabilize my medication and overcome some of the intrusive thoughts I was having - God made a way for that. I prayed that my sister Caitlyn would have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby after suffering two miscarriages - God made a way for that. I prayed for my co-worker Sam who suffered a stroke and brain aneurysm that left him in the hospital for 6 weeks - God made a way for Sam to be healed and come back to work with minimal complications. I prayed for Abby’s teaching job and her kids. I prayed for Miranda’s brand new marriage to Sawyer. I praised God for my husband, my daughter, my parents, and everyone that would answer my calls, texts and messages when I felt like I was losing my ever-loving mind.

I’m pretty emotional right now because looking back on all that has transpired, I am a different woman. I am not the same. I am so blessed to have gone through those valleys and make it to the other side so that others can know they aren’t alone. I realize fully I could not do this life without my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I don’t know how anyone can. Sometimes knocking the dust off and taking a look in the rearview shows us how far we have come. It also shows us how much more we can go.

This one is short and sweet - kinda like February. Keep moving forward. Keep seeking the good in life. God has so much more in store for you, so DON’T YOU DARE GIVE UP!

I love you and you and you too - Alexis