For Cameron

Hello, Hello, Hello and welcome! My name is Alexis if you’ve forgotten - yes, I realize it’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted anything on my blog. One reason is, I can’t think of much to write about right now. I don’t want to be redundant. Another reason is, I’ve been a little down in the dumps lately. I don’t know if it’s change in season or what, but I’ve felt like I’ve been slipping into old habits and mindsets, and I’m really afraid of backsliding into my anxiety and depression. Obviously, that’s more of a reason to write about stuff because it does help me get thoughts and feelings out and cope - but here we are.

Photo credit - Kayla Houser Photography

So, this week is the week of Thanksgiving. It’s not really hitting a homerun for me like it normally would. I’m in a bit of a slump. I’ve questioned my blog and whether or not I’m doing it justice or if I should continue it. I’ve felt that I’m running out of steam and like I mentioned before, I’m terrified of going back to the way I felt before. All of this plus the joy of “Shark Week” (if you know, you know - if you don’t, it’s what me and my sisters call our monthly gift - TMI, but I’m not known for being tactful) I feel like I’ve been a real BITTY to Cameron the last several days. As most of you know, Cameron is my high school sweet heart turned husband. Unfortunately, poor ol’ Cambo gets the brunt of my frustrations, emotions, and all other lovely feelings/hormones and such.

After 14 years of togetherness, and 7 years of wedded (mostly) bliss, Cam has seen the good, the bad, and the real, real ugly - I’m not just talking morning breath and mop head. I snap at him, I roll my eyes, and sometimes I throw out a couple of choice words when he’s on my nerves, but nothing much phases Cameron. He goes about his day and brushes it off most of the time. He never fails to joke, to laugh, to entertain, and to put a smile on the grumpiest of faces. I’ve been particularly moody these last few days and like most times, I unleash it on him. And what does he do? He might nod his head, or ignore my bantering, but he always still loves me.

I am famous for having these grand ideas and starting projects that I either let fall through the cracks, or sometimes I go so hardcore I lose interest before it even gets good and started… Cameron still supports me and my weird ideas. He allows me (within reason) to explore hobbies and pursue them to my hearts content, even if it only lasts a week or two. If I dump the idea, he’s okay. If I stick with it for a while, he’s okay with that too. Lately, I’ve been very much into paper crafting and card making. I’ve done this before, but fell out of the habit. Once I started back up, the only place I could do that sort of work was at our kitchen table. After a tiny bit of complaining and whining on my part, he not only helped me get a desk, but he helped clear a space for it, set it up for me, and bought me a lamp, some filing drawers, and a trash, all for my little craft corner. That’s my love language.

Over the weekend and even some yesterday evening I had some anxiety/panic creeping in on me. A lot of times when I have a headache, I get anxious. Anxious and worried that something is wrong, that I’ll be sick, or that something more serious is wrong - like I’m going to have a stroke or something. Extreme? Yes, but that’s how my brain works. Anyway, after repeated headaches over the last several days, Cameron not only made sure I had medicine and drink handy, but he continuously heated a warm compress that I keep on my head or under my neck. He checked on me if I was lying down. He made sure Anna Kate is fed and entertained. He put up untouched dishes that I failed to wash, and a barely eaten meal that I failed to make. He asks me repeatedly if I need anything. He does for me like no one else ever has.

This post is for Cameron. Partially because it’s my way of apologizing to him for being a jerk this week. Part of this is because it’s almost Thanksgiving and I am more than thankful for you. I need you. I depend on you. Cameron, you are my rock, my best friend, and my husband. Thank you for taking such good care of me. Thank you for entertaining every wild idea I ever get no matter how dumb. Thank you for being a rock star dad to our daughter. Thank you for providing not only financially, but emotionally and physically.

Most of all, thank you for loving me like you do … through the good, the bad, and the real, real ugly.

I Love You - Forever and Always <3

Alexis