Overcoming Obstacles

Good Afternoon! I hope you all had a great weekend and a Happy Halloween if you’re into that sort of thing. We had a good time trick or treating around the farm with my daughter Anna Kate and my niece Sutton. Anna Kate was a “magical flying unicorn” and Sutton was an identical replica of Estelle Getty from “Golden Girls”.

You know, the more I write these blogs, the more I feel that I’m being redundant. I don’t want to be. I want to get my points and experiences across clearly for different people on different days. So, if this post sounds a little repetitive, I do apologize.

Thursday afternoon I had my weekly over-the-phone therapy session with my therapist, and it went really well. Whenever I get emotional and spout off a bunch of stuff, I always feel like those are my best talks. Anyway, per my typical session, we bounced from topic to topic because I have the attention span of a squirrel. This makes for interesting conversation because one second I’m laughing and telling him how on Monday I got hit in the head with a flying cardboard box (thanks Hurricane Zeta) and the next I’m boo-hooing because we got into something a little deeper.

I’ve been having some really good weeks and so I feel that there’s not been as much to talk about, but for whatever reason, we got on the topic of what therapy has done for me and the progress I’ve made over the course of this year. You see when I started with this therapy, it was hard for me to function in normal day-to-day life. My anxiety and depression were at an all-time high and just being a productive member of society, not to mention decent mother or wife was the most difficult thing for me. I was leaving work early all the time because I simply could not control my thoughts or my emotions. My husband and my parents were my safe place. I didn’t feel safe or even slightly comfortable by myself. I’ve said it before, but I couldn’t even stay home alone the nights that Cameron had to work. I stayed with my parents. I didn’t feel that I was a good enough parent to my daughter. The more those thoughts consumed me, the more I began to doubt myself completely.

I was clinging to God and His word as much as I possibly could. I was literally praying without ceasing. In the car, at my desk, in my bed, while I was showering. I would write myself notes with scripture throughout the day. Anything I could do to take my mind off what was eating me alive. But, here I am… approximately 6 months later and my world is vastly different. I am a capable human being. Capable of staying home by myself. Capable of going to work and staying there. I am not having panic attack after panic attack. I am not begging my husband to stay home with me instead of going to his job. I feel that I take care of my daughter without feeling like a poor excuse for a parent. I am better able to deal with intrusive thoughts that may come, and realize that they do not make me who I am or hold any sort of power over me. So you see, I’ve overcome a lot within these 6 months. Things aren’t perfect. There’s always room for improvement, but I’m doing it.

Now, this is not for a pat on the back, so please don’t take it as such. This is to show you that even when you feel you are at your lowest, you can come back. You don’t have to stay there. You can get the help you need through medications, doctors, therapy, and most importantly God and the support of family and friends. When talking with my therapist on Thursday, we recapped a lot of these instances. I expressed to him that therapy had been a God-send and how much more confidence I have in being able to control thoughts and use my mind for good. He said something to the effect of “you’re a strong person” and “look at how much you’ve surpassed in this time”. It really got me thinking - YES, I have. I told him, I’m afraid to let this beat me, which is the God’s honest truth. With God’s grace and goodness, the support of my family, the help of doctors and therapists, I put in the hard work and was able to regain some normalcy in my life. To regain a life worth living. And I’ll continue to put forth that work, effort, and energy.

I guess in a sense I needed that reminder of how far I’ve come. Maybe some of you need the reminder too. That' you’ve overcome a great deal of things in your lifetime. Maybe just in this very year like me. Maybe you also needed the reminder that you have to be willing to try; to put forth all the effort you can muster if you want to see and feel change. If I relied on medication alone, I wouldn’t be in a good place. I know this because I’ve been on different medications for over 5 years now and yet there I was, once again riding that same old struggle bus. Sometimes its trial and error. Sometimes you get it on the first go-round. Sometimes it takes an entire village or a team. Sometimes you can do it by yourself. Whatever that obstacle is in your life - just know that you CAN overcome. You CAN have a life worth living. You CAN share your story and make a difference in someone else’s life. You CAN be a living, breathing real-life testimony. Don’t downplay your progress or personal achievements. They matter just as much as you do.

I love you guys so much and am just incredibly grateful for the opportunity to share with you.

Much Love - Alexis