Snowball Effect
What’s a snowball effect? You know when you begin to roll a snowball in your hand and you accumulate more snow, the more you roll it, the bigger it gets. It’s like that, except with thoughts.
I’ve used the term “snowball effect” to describe the way my mind wanders from the smallest thought into the worst case scenario problem that my mind can possibly make up. Literally. When I tell you that my mind can go to a dark place fast, I mean it.
It can be scary, terrifying even. To the point of panic attacks, irrational thoughts, and pure fear. When this sets in, sometimes it seems near impossible to reverse the cycle. It can be all consuming, you feel like you can’t move, or breathe. I know.. I’ve been there, done that, wrote the book (or blog in this case).
Here’s the deal though, you CAN stop it. Easier said than done, and even with years of this crippling BS under my belt, I still struggle from time to time. I call my husband, or my dad, or my sister, or my former preacher, Pastor George aka “PG”. I’ll even text Nana and ask for prayers.
When in a panic, we don’t think logically, or at least I don’t. Things and scenarios that make NO SENSE WHATSOEVER are now flooding my thought process.. and it feels like I can’t come up for air. When this happens, when it’s really bad, first and foremost I take a rescue pill. I’m on antidepressants for everyday use, but have a “rescue pill” for onset panic attacks and anxiety. I know what you may be thinking because I thought this way once too. “I don’t want to have to rely on meds forever”. “You aren’t really trying to improve, you are dependent on a pill”. While I guess this seems like it could be true, it couldn’t be further from it.
When I first came to the realization that I would need some sort of medication to help my battle with anxiety and depression, I was devastated. When I expressed my concerns to my longtime doctor, he said “You can look at it one of two ways. You can look at it as a crutch, or as a tool, you choose.” These words changed my way of thinking completely! Dr. Beatty has long since retired, but his words have stuck with me since that day.
I am not less than for being on medication. Would I be less than for taking blood pressure medication just because I couldn’t get it under control on my own? No. I don’t “JUST” take a pill to combat my struggles - I go to therapy weekly, I journal and do a devotional nightly. I also use breathing exercises and meditation to help clear my head.
I hope this isn’t too all over the place. I feel like I have so much to say, and so much to contribute. Please know that if you ever need a soundboard, a friend, or a confidant, please contact me. Snowballs will always be there. But remember, they always melt.
Much Love … Alexis