Panic Attacks Stink (literally)

Howdy Guys and Gals! I created a new Instagram and asked for some topics that you would like to hear about. Dealing with panic attacks was the first one, so I’m going to start there.

People who have anxiety tend to have panic attacks or anxiety attacks. This is the classic “flight or fight” that you hear about - it’s our bodies natural way of letting our brain know there is trouble. You either need to fight and protect yourself, or you need to get the hell out of dodge. Lucky for me, my body and brain stay in this “flight or fight” mode - basically telling myself that the dumbest things can put me in danger. Kind of like an anxious ninja warrior or something like that. But what’s worse, is your brain actually believes it.

So when my anxiety first began that I can actually remember, I was 18 years old and I kept having stomach issues. If I was in class my stomach would churn and I would be terrified that I was going to have to poop at school. I would literally text my mom to sign me out of school so I could crap at home. Yes. This was my anxiety. This continued well into my early 20’s.. I would actually plan out mentally where I could go to the bathroom if my stomach started to hurt. I would completely avoid and/or bail out on any plans that included having to go far from home, or around people I wasn’t comfortable with. This dictated my life. And why? Because I was afraid I would have to poop?! Ya’ll. I’m actually laughing while writing this because this was like the least severe my anxiety ever was and it’s funny to sit back and think about. So I actually had to think, what was my biggest fear? That I would poop, because that’s completely normal. Everybody poops, right? Well everyone except for my mom.

One day the inevitable happened. I was stuck in the back seat of my father in laws truck, he and my now husband riding shotgun and we were on our way back home from eating lunch at a Japanese place in Gastonia called Koto’s. We were headed back to Stanley and took Spencer Mountain Road to get home. Between the MSG and mountain of hibachi I consumed, my guts were rolling. I squeaked to Cameron and Gregg, if ya’ll don’t pull over, I’m gonna S*** my pants! Gregg is yelling hold on, hold on, and Cameron is laughing hysterically. We had only been dating a few months I think at this point. Gregg pulls off the road and I high tail it in the woods and let her loose. Dude. Cameron finds some napkins in the console and brings them to me. He’s mortified. So am I. But you know what? That’s it. Was it embarrassing? Sort of. Did I die? No. I pooped in the woods and lived to tell the tale. I mean the kid married me anyways.

Fast forward several years and many anxiety triggers later… I am now 29 and standing in the Wal-Mart. I didn’t each lunch, but I just needed to pop in really quick and grab a couple of things. I start to get really hot, break out into a cold sweat. I feel like I’m going to pass out - I am shoveling food in my mouth from my buggy. I grab a honey bun off of a shelf and some caramel popcorn because it was the first thing I saw. I am in the back of the store near the freezer section and I’m thinking “Good Lord, don’t let me fall out here. Please Lord, don’t let me fall out in front of all these people.” So, I slide out of the freezer section and the next section over is the baby diapers and stuff. I find a toddlers potty stool and sit on it and I’m fanning myself profusely. I call Cameron, tell him what’s going on and he tells me I need to go to Subway and get some food. Umm yeah, I barely had enough energy to stand up, much less walk all the way to the front and order a sandwich. I started to panic and all I could think was “I’m in the middle of the dang Cherryville Wal-Mart; I’m all alone and about to pass out”. A few minutes later three ladies walk up to me and ask if I’m okay. I tell them I think my blood sugar dropped because I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and it’s now 2:00 pm. So these three ladies are nurses - one gets me an orange juice, one gets me a snickers, somebody else finds me some glucose tablets. Then I’ve got a few Wal-Mart managers and employees laying me down on the floor and giving me a pillow to put my head on and a box of diapers to prop my feet on. This is like my worst nightmare. Ever. I was so embarrassed. I got people gawking at me, I’m crying and sweating, and now my hands are shaking. Cameron and Sawyer (my brother in law) come to collect me and my car, they pay for all my half eaten groceries. They made me ride one of them handicap buggies out of the store. It was a SIGHT let me tell ya.

But you know what…. once again, I survived. I was uncomfortable as could be. I was embarrassed. I wanted to crawl in a hole. But I survived.

So here are a few things I’ve learned since I’ve had plenty of practice… sometimes panic attacks are going to happen. Something silly can trigger them. Sometimes nothing at all can trigger them. Sometimes you are panicked and you have no earthly idea why. And as bad as it sucks, it’s okay.

I’ve been taught the term “self-soothing” and it has helped me either get through a panic attack, or make myself less anxious if I’m feeling one coming on. If you don’t take medication for sudden onset panic, this can still work for you. I typically try to go to a quiet place without distractions, maybe my office, or my car - if you are out in public, the diaper aisle at Wal-Mart works well. Shut your eyes, take some deep breaths and try to ground yourself. Find something you can touch, something you can smell, something you can hear, and maybe even something you can taste. It tends to bring our heightened senses back down and get a grip on reality. Sometimes I’ll use my Headspace App (linked on the resources page) - On this App, there are breathing exercises, videos, and music to help calm you down. Sometimes I’ll call my sister who is a nurse and have her explain logically why my head feels fuzzy and I feel like I can’t breathe. Some people respond better to music, or taking quick walk by yourself. I’ve done all of these things, and some work better for me at times than others. I think the most important thing is that you shouldn’t be embarrassed - if you need help, if you are scared, even if you just want someone to hold your hand until the moment passes; ask them to. People will surprisingly be more willing to help than you give them credit for. Like the employees and ladies at Wal-Mart in Cherryville… ya’ll the real MVP! They were more than willing to come and help, and make me as comfy as can be on the diaper aisle floor.

Lastly, when I feel anxious, my dad taught me that it’s better to be doing something productive if you can. Feel anxious? Go sweep something or wipe down a counter. Organize that make up drawer and clean the trash out of your purse. The diversion helps so much. It works with helping people as well… write someone a card and tell them you love them. Send a message to a friend who you had a falling out with. Send someone a gift even if it’s silly just because you can and you know it will brighten their day. Sometimes we need to be the helpers even if we need the help.

Anyways.. I’m sure I’ll have more to gab about later.

Much love - Alexis