Who Am I?
So your new name is mom but you weren’t always this puffy-eyed, sleep-deprived bag of skin. Maybe you were the girl who had all her crap together, a planner, a weekly schedule, post it notes on the calendar, email reminders, the whole thing. Strutting to work in your pumps with a coffee in one hand, cell phone, purse, and keys in the other. Now you are lucky to brush your hair daily and you’re toting diaper bags instead.
Or maybe you were the care-free wild child. The one who was always down for a day trip, never concerned with time or money, or what people thought. Now you feel like a less fun you. You can’t pick up and go when you want and the stress of having an actual routine is getting to you.
What about the social butterfly who loved her weekly brunch with mimosas and the girls? Ever since you became a mom, your friends have barely spoken to you, much less invited you anywhere. Not that you would go now. You’re tired and you can’t take the kiddo.
A lot of times after becoming a mom, we almost feel like a shell of a person. “I used to do this”, “before kids I could hang”. Yes having a child may be one of the greatest gifts you could have ever been given, but let’s face it - it’s different. And more times than not, it’s not what you expected it to be. I mean sure, there are moments of pure joy - those moments when you feel as though your heart could just burst open. But, not all the moments are like that. It’s late nights and early mornings, it’s sleep deprivation, it’s colic, it’s going to the bathroom just to be by yourself for five minutes. It’s knowing you should be getting into bed yourself but if you don’t use this chance to catch up on bills and laundry it just won’t get done. It’s feeling defeated after you swore you would “never allow this” or “never do that”. It’s wanting to get in some sexy time with hubs but the thought alone exhausts you.. not to mention these new stretch marks and mom pouch your sporting makes you feel mostly like a tub of cottage cheese. Let’s not even think about the last time you actually shaved.
Even though being a mom is a lot of things - at the end of the day, you are still you. You are a new and improved version of yourself. The career-oriented girl might have had all her ducks in a row, but that apartment was lonely and now she has a family to call her own. The wild child might feel less fun than she once was, but she is the most fun mom with the best imagination and tells the best stories. The social butterfly might be giving up Saturday mimosas, but she’s good at making friends and starts a mothers morning out for those who are feeling completely alone.
I guess this is not really post about anxiety or depression today. Today it’s for the mom who is struggling to find herself and her new role. If this pertains to you, I hope it helps. I hope it helps you realize that you are more than “a title”. Being a mom is so many things - so many more things than you could have ever been before. Just think, a mom is a chef, a nanny, a chauffeur, a nurse, an entertainer, a provider and so much more. The kisser of boo-boo’s and one day the healer of broken hearts.
When I was going through the early stages of motherhood, I was having a difficult time. My cousin messaged me and said “It will all be worth it. The days may be long, but the years are short.” Nothing could have ever prepared me for that truth. Yesterday I was rocking a new born; today I am having heated debates with an almost 5 year old. It goes so fast. Enjoy it. Hold on to it. Cherish it. Remember it.
Lastly - give yourself some grace. You are a human. You are not perfect. But you are doing a dang good job. You’re finding the new you, Mama… keep going.
Much Love - Alexis